It's Back: Crystal Pepsi relaunches!

Right now, Pepsico is bringing back one of it's biggest soft drink flops, for a new generation. Right now they're planning to make it more successful than the last time. Right now, just a short wait until CRYSTAL PEPSI make it's long-awaited comeback.

Yes, it's been nearly twenty years since Pepsico launched Crystal Pepsi onto an unsuspecting world, one that was not ready for that taste. Now they're set to try again with a whole new generation.

Buoyed by favorable reviews from internet critics such as
Brad Jones,  a groundswell of support for the drink by those who remember it fondly and that new generation that want to try it, Pepsi just may be on to a winner here. "Nobody can argue that the first time around [was a disaster]" said marketing head Chris Thomas, "we handled it the wrong way. Now, here's our chance to give it another, supported by the web 2.0 generation who are mad keen to try it.' he said, before going back into a room full of monkeys and typewriters.

Van Halen's iconic song 'Right Now' will come back as well - after Pepsico scotched the idea of using a Justin Bieber song, "We really want it not to be a joke this time around."

Crystal Pepsi is expected to his shelves again this July.

Man who bought Justin Beiber CD gets Name Suppression.

[NEWS] A man has been granted permanent name suppression after buying  a Justin Bieber CD from the local CD store. The man, 38, admitted a charge of purchasing the restricted sale CD with intent to cause grievous audio ear bleeding.

Jude Elias Milquetoast granted the man permanent name suppression. In his ruling he stated that 'while the crime was inexcusable, the humiliation this man will receive from his peers would exceed the severity of the crime. The Judge believed the man had suffered enough without the stigma of being labelled a 'belieber.'

The man's defense counsel, Rather Slither, said that the man had only purchased the CD as a gift for his teenage  daughter, who is legally allowed to own such trash. The judge rejected this claim, stating the fact that the man had been apprehended in the mall car park, singing along to the CD being played at high volume, he was alone. The man also admitted under interrogation to purchasing the CD for his own entertainment purposes.

He was discharged without conviction after agreeing to an invasive therapy course prescribed by the Judge. He was ordered to listen to entire discographies from  real bands Pearl Jam, Def Leppard and Foo Fighters.

Sunday Food Review: KFC's Double Down.

[REVIEW] The boffins at KFC have scored a marketing coup by creating what was conceivably the most unhealthy thing they could think of. Comprising of nothing but two breast fillets slapped together with lashings of sauce, cheese and bacon. The Double Down is a cardiologists paradise.

 With so much hype generated through it's proverbial middle finger to the food police that it has seen KFC lunch queues spill out the door, is the hype warranted? Not really. As the most unhealthy thing anyone could think of it falls spectacularly short of the hype machine. The food police would  have you believe that it is the spawn of Satan, an orchestrated litany of health disasters awaits you. In fact, if you wanted to commit suicide, this is the easiest, and tastiest way to do it. In fact this burger, or "burger" is not such a disaster. This reviewer has already had two, with no chest discomfort or shooting pains up the arm to report. What does a double quarter pounder, a whopper and a stick of celery have in common? More saturated fat than the double down! (ok, the celery was a lie.)

Taste wise, it is delicious. The down melts in your mouth like chicken slabbed with bacon cheese and mustardy sauce, which makes sense given the contents. Cracked pepper cheese slice gives the down that extra kick, while the sauce which may very well just be an exploded chicken tumor completes the dining experience. Oh, and a quarter pack, taken as a whole, equates to more sat. fat than the down. Just saying.


VERDICT: Eat and enjoy. This beaut is only around for five weeks, so put that diet to the side and dig in. I promise it wont kill you, unless your arteries are already shot, and that qualifies as a disclaimer.

Christchurch Earthquake Awakens Thousand-Year-Old Mummy

BREAKING NEWS A thousand year old mummy, believed be a thousand years old, has awoken following the Christchurch earthquake. It was widely  assumed that the mummy, from Canterbury Museum, had simply been placed in storage, but it has been seen many times walking around the city.

It has been reported that the mummy has been making weird noises, and apparently has an extreme dislike of trams. As it continues to roam the city it seems to show revulsion at the bus terminal in the heart of the city, and seems to be baffled and confused by the one way traffic system, which it also apparently hates.

The Mummy is believed the be that of Pharaoh Athfield. Once a mighty ruler, said to have a 'my way or the highway' approach to ruling his empire. It is also speculated that the pharaoh introduced some of the weirdest building designs ever, and was discovered in his almost mythical, misshapen pyramid.

Seeing Eye Gulls Banned in the UK

The UK has become the first country, or league of countries, to ban seeing eye gulls. The gulls, used by the blind to guide them through daily life, have been outlawed after numerous complaints.


Seeing eye gulls have come under constant criticism since they were introduced in 1993 as an alternative to dogs. Opponents of the gulls say that they are unreliable, preferring to lead the blind to scraps of food and rotting hedgehog carcasses as opposed to guiding them across busy streets. Business owners complain of excessive squawking, stealing food, and seagull poop contamination.
'They are a nuisance, simply put,' said store owner Daisy Potts. 'The gulls have to go.'


However, proponents of the seeing eye gulls say that the issues are being overstated. 'Gulls have proven to be more effective than dogs,' said trainer Jeff Rumble. 'Gulls get tethered to the owner like kites, and they can see everything from the air, a birds eye view. Gulls also, due to flying instead of walking, do not take up valuable sidewalk spaces like dogs do.'
Rumble is resigned to the ban. 'There is a very vocal minority out here, funded by the Labrador kennel conspiracy, their sole aim is to take out the competition.'

The Daily Cheesecake approached several people making full use of seeing eye gulls, all of them gave very positive reviews fo the gulls performance on the job. 'He's very affectionate,' war veteran Charles Lindour, 80. 'They are more personal than dogs can ever be, and he has even led me to discover food I never knew I had.'

The public consultation on the proposal to ban seeing eye gulls will remain open for another week. have your say: seeingeyegulban@ukgov.uk